This June marks my eighth year sober. On one hand, yay! On the other hand, also yay! But there’s always a slight pinch I feel somewhere whenever I think about my anniversary. And I think that it’s because I developed a drinking problem at all. Because when I was younger, I never understood how/why people would have a drinking problem. Then I also grew up with a mother who would enjoy red wine sometimes but never get tipsy. So even from a young age I was able to try it, and it never became a problem until I wanted my marriage to end.
Maybe I feel inadequate that I choose to be sober? As if this isn’t a common plague for humanity. But now looking back almost eight years, I can see that my drinking didn’t spiral until I wanted out of my marriage. Which was crazy, because to anyone who looked at us outwardly, I was the lucky one. Like I married up, and I always felt like I had to be grateful to be paired with such a good/handsome/capable guy as my ex. So how dare I want out of that relationship? How dare I!!!
But I did and fuck that. But the drinking became a problem when I realized that I didn’t want to be around him anymore. And then it started to spiral when I encouraged him to take a job in another city. Because then I got to be free!! And why would I want to be free with M- was so great? But I wanted to be free, and I was free. And that freaked me out. Turns out for me whiskey is great to cover hard feelings.
But before I developed my whiskey addiction, I did participate in addictive behaviour. But it was exercising. And I think that this is just part of my body’s way of coping because the obsession with a particular sport began young. Tennis being one, ever since I was young.
I was hooked, and I was good. I started on the JV team in middle school. A couple years later I won a scholarship from the local country club for the summer and then I got really good. By the end of my senior year, I was the top ten in my state. Cool huh?
So now as an adult in a Canadian city not of my origin, I’ve started looking into getting back into tennis. But let me tell you, things are different. It’s hard to find courts, especially in the wintertime. I think this has to do with real estate prices being so high and the inevitable uptick in sports that happened after covid.
Now there’s clubs even for public outdoor courts and you can’t just walk up and expect a court. There’s tennis court booking software that you have to download and register. And that’s even if you get a spot. This bums me out because I love getting outside and I grew up with a wide availability of courts, just plain outdoor city-run courts. They weren’t always in the best shape, but they worked. But now if seems like access is related to privilege, which I hate.
But I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet. I would love to develop community around my neighborhood. It’d be great to get my kiddo involved in the sport too. Granted I think they would just be chaos on the court, maybe I should wait till they’re a bit older…
So if you’re looking to get out of a rut, or are thinking about limiting your drinking, I would encourage you to do so, and maybe tennis would be a good outlet.
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